My Words
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Saturday, April 17, 2004
Confession Here's my little confession : I really shouldn't have Tejas like that ... becasue he really didn't do anything ... other than that girl ... but yea ... He doens't deserve what he got ... And as for me ... I guess this is what I am suppose to get ... when I hurt somebody who's so close to me ... I learned my lesson ... and I hope that he will forgive me ... I really don't know what to do with my mother ... I am scared to lose her ... and I am really glad that i am going home ... so i won't have to deal with these shit ... at least for 3 months ... 3 whole months ... i mean i will miss everything here and I would really wanna be involved and all those stuff ... but rite now ... I really just wanna go home ... and be in my little world ... doing whatever i wanna ... I find it interesting that I will have the little girl side of me ... I just wanna be in my mother's arms ... because i know it'll be ok once i am there ... even though that means I have to deal with my daddy's shit ... but it's ok ... as long as i have my mommy, Jilly, Eleanor and my sister ... Speaking of that ... I haven't talk to my sister for awhile ... I wonder how she's going ... I mean i know that she broke up with Glen and her father has a little trouble with his body ... but other than that ... I really don't know what's going on with her ... Ohh ... I feel like i have grown up a little lately ... maybe it's because of all those drama ... My pisces is nature ... is just ... too idealistic ... you know? and it's not gonna work in this reality ... I wanna be at the beach ... for sure ... I don't care who I am with ... even when i am by myself ... I still wanna go to the beach ... because ... that's where I belong to ... There ... I can breathe ... and be myself ... I am sure I have a part of myself that nobody ... even my parents ... see it yet ... and that part of me will only be release when i am by the ocean .... breathe hard ... feeling the wind ... listening to the water splashing ... this is the common of me and Kara ... we are both water sign ... we belong to the water ... we willl only be happy when we are by the water ... that's why ... even though we have arguments and stuff like that ... we will get along ... I mean even though some stuff have been changing ... I can feel it ... like we are a little more distant now ... but ... i still feel like I relate to her ... we communicate in a way that no other people communicate with ... you know ... it's like the vibe ... it's just so ... interesting ... anyways ... I am gonna go ... coz bekah's dad is gonna be here any minute now ... ciao ... and hope that i will have a fine weekend ... i really don't think i will ... but oh well .... My mother My mother's report came out ... and ... it's not really good news ... she might have to go to the hospital again ... This is like the third time ... I am really worry about her ... I am glad that I am going home ... so she will be happy ... Tired I am so tired ... I just wanna go to sleep ... and never wake up anymore ... I don't wanna try to make anybody feel bad ... I am just saying how I feel ... anyways ... i am outta here ... ciao Rinse she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight she must rinse this all away she can't hold him this way she must rinse this all away she can't love him this way how she'd be soothed, how she'd be saved if he could see she needs to be held in his arms to be free but everything happens for reasons that she will never understand 'til she knows that the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man she must rinse this all away she can't hold anybody this way she must rinse this all away she can't love him and if she runs away she fears she won't be followed what could be worse than leaving something behind and as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow it's loneliness she finds... if only he was mine she'd do anything to sparkle in his eye she would suffer, she would fight, and compromise she's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright for answers to questions that will haunt her tonight she must rinse him she must rinse him she can't rinse him she can't rinse him she can't, she won't, she must rinse him she can't, she won't, she must rinse him she must rinse this all away she can't hold him this way she must rinse this all away she can't love him this way This is what I am gonna do ... Here's what I am gonna do : I am gonna close my heart ... and stop loving anybody ... I am just gonna be a person that doesn't have emotions or anything ... just like I was before I came here ... I don't wanna love anybody anymore ... because ... I will come out getting hurt ... I don't want that no more ... you might never see me laugh anymore ... Fuck What did i do to deserve this???? Because the way I hurt Tejas? That's why i should get hurt like this too? One is a guy that I love and I wanna be with ... The other is my twin sister ... I really don't know what to do ... I wanna go home and not deal with anything like this ... i am really tired of all these drama ... A nightmare Jiquon likes bekah the same way she does to him ... maybe Tejas is rite ... bekah did screwed up my life ... i hate it when he's rite ... I don't know what's rite or what's wrong anymore ... i thought ... i really don't know ... I want Tejas ... I miss him ... I need kara ... to support me ... I hate people bring me up and dropped me back down ... i really hate it ... and he keeps doing it ... i wanna go home ... and leave this ... so i can be with my friends ... and i don't have to worry about all these ... My life is so fucked up rite now ... GOD ... GOD DAMN IT!!!!!! Friday, April 16, 2004
&%#@ omo_kenny: fuck you girl omo_kenny: how is your new B FRIEND DOING JTHAT IS NAME RIGHT Can anyone tell me what's up with that? I mean ... alright ... tejas ... you need to stop lying to me ... i think all you wanna do was to fuck me ... that's all ... if you have a fucking girlfriend ... then leave me alone ... and let me be ... don't let your bitch come cursing at me ... !!!! I really don't need that ... and it's been tons of drama already ... and you are telling me that i cheated on you? and call me a fuckin slut? I didn't cheat on you ok? We already broken up ... me kissing Jiquon is another issue ... if we were still together ... and i kissed him ... that will be big trouble ... but it didn't happen at that time ... so stop being so childish ... if you really care for me ... you would at least wanna be friends with me and then see what's gonna happen ... and you won't let me miss my classes ... and what did you do? You go and spy on me and tracking me and all those fucking bullshit ... don't tell me I was the only one who is wrong ... you were wrong too ... and if you don't think you are ... then you will never be able to realize what you lose ... It's been great !!!! It's been great with Jiquon ... we are talking and not fighting or anything ... but I am really really pissed ... still ... I really wonder why did I even bother to get back with Tejas ... he said he will change ... and guess how he changed ... he changed to spy on me ... to to track me down ... I mean what the fuck is that? And you know what ... the first thing i told him when i started the relationship ... I told him that I don't wanna him to be too controlling ... i mean you can be possessive ... but please don't control me ... i don't like ppl controlling me ... and his behavior is just making me getting away from him ... And the stuff he said ... sounds so much like my daddy... and it really get on my nerves ... anyways, i need to get back on my studying ... ciao Thursday, April 15, 2004
Help me !!!! I am so tired of all these drama ... I wanna get out of it ...
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